Momentum Podcast: 291
Get Over The Guilt Of Self-Care
by Alex Charfen
Do you feel guilty when it comes to taking time out for self-care? This is a major hurdle for a lot of entrepreneurs. If you're growing a business chances are you're living an overwhelming life where it seems you can find time to do everything other than taking care of yourself.
This is where we need to do some rewiring, the reality is if you're not taking care of yourself, you're not optimized and you're not utilizing one of the greatest pathways to success. When we get weighed down by pressure and noise, future focus turns into daydreaming. Are you taking care of yourself enough to achieve what you actually want?
Full Audio Transcript
If you've listened to my podcast for any period of time, then you know that one of the biggest avenues or pathways or strategies that I use for success is self-care. Taking care of myself so that I have the presence, the awareness, the ability to actually create momentum, to predict the future, to go create the future, come back to the present, and then do everything it takes to make that future real.
I know that the more I take care of myself, the more I'm able to do all of those things. But here's a major challenge for self-care, for a lot of entrepreneurs, by the way, including me: we feel guilty when we try to take care of ourself. In fact, a lot of us feel guilty when we even think about taking care of ourselves.
I have a lot of clients who have family, or actually most of my clients have families or spouses or friends or people around them and people in their business who work in the business, and one of the biggest challenges we have as entrepreneurs is that when we stop to take care of ourselves, one of the feelings that comes up, one of the constraints we feel is guilt. Should we be taking care of ourselves above everybody else? Should we be taking care of ourselves or doing what we know we should be doing? And with everything that is going on in our lives, should we even take the time to take care of ourself?
Well, this is an issue that every client I've ever had, and like I said, including me, deals with. This feeling of guilt around taking care of ourselves. In fact, I can tell you that in my early days as an entrepreneur, in my 20s I used to laugh at self-care. I used to, you know, I'd see a chiropractor every once in a while and I ate relatively healthy, I tried at least. You know, I tried to do a few things, but I didn't really take care of myself. I didn't focus on taking care of myself, I didn't think about reducing pressure and noise from myself. I didn't focus on how do I make myself feel more present, more aware, more in the room, more available for everything I was doing. And here's why: I was completely overwhelmed by a business where there was always something to do. Does this sound familiar? I want you to know something, today I'm completely overwhelmed by a business where there's always something to do.
If you're growing a business, if it's growing like crazy, you can always step into the space of overwhelm where you will not want to take care of yourself. In fact, if you're growing a business, you have a family, you can always find something to do other than taking care of yourself. But here's the issue, your ability to create your long-term success, your ability to be present and aware for the people around you, and your ability to connect and support the people around you all are directly proportionate to how well you take care of yourself. How well you hydrate, what type of food you eat, what type of movement you do, what type of breathing and awareness exercises you do. All of those things amount to your ability to actually create the success you want in the world.
And so, today one of the biggest challenges faces the entrepreneurs that I talk to is that you always have something else to do besides taking care of yourself. And here's where we need to do some emotional hard re-wiring. Not hard wiring, but re-wiring. We need to re-look at how we look at taking care of ourselves. Because here's the reality, if you're not taking care of yourself, if you're not present and aware, if you're not hydrated and eating the right foods and fully supported, you are not optimized. And if you are not optimized, you are not creating the success you possibly could.
Here's one of the issues we have as entrepreneurs. We believe we can just continue to push and go forward and do everything and overwhelm ourselves and not ask for help and not support ourselves and not take care of ourselves and we think somehow that equation of not giving ourselves anything will somehow make it so that we can create the life, the reality, the future that we really want.
I think we need to take a step backwards and look at this logically. If you're not taking care of yourself and you are the person who both creates your future and creates your reality, then I have news for you, if you're not taking care of yourself, your reality, your present is not going to be so great. And your future is not going to be what you want it to be.
The more we don't take care of ourselves, the more we create pressure and noise in our lives, the more we don't lower the pressure and noise in our lives, the more chaotic things get and the more difficult it is to see what we're actually doing. To more forward in the way we actually want to and to create the success we want.
I recorded a podcast called, "The Million Dollar Race Horse." And if you haven't listened to it yet, you might want to go back and listen to it because here's the sentiment in that podcast is that you, you listening to me right now, you are a million dollar race horse. Because you are capable of going out and making millions of dollars. I know it. If you're listening to my podcast, I believe that with every single cell in my body. It doesn't matter what's going on for you, it doesn't matter who you are, what history you have, what disability, what disorder, what anything you've been diagnosed with, who cares. Somebody like us has had those same issues and has gone on to change the world, and I know you can too.
And so, you should move forward counting on the fact that you can achieve everything you want. But here's the equation that does not work for people like us, if you are pushing yourself every day, if you are not eating right, if you are not fully supporting yourself with hydration and breathing and movement. If you are causing pressure and noise in your life, here's what happens. When pressure and noise goes up for people like us, we get more reactive. And the things that make us super powers, or sorry, the things that give us super powers actually become liabilities.
Like, as an example, every entrepreneur I know has unique abilities. They have unique sensitivities, they have things they can do. Like, as an example, for us, future focus. For entrepreneurs like us, we have this ability to focus on the future, to ignore the present, to go into the future to create a new reality, come back to the present and then make it real. That future focus is what makes us a visionary. It's what makes us the entrepreneurs that can actually create the plans and make things happen in the world.
But here's the problem, when pressure and noise goes up, when there's too much noise in our lives, when we feel all of that pressure and noise, our ability to focus on the future goes away. In fact, that future focus becomes daydreaming and feeling absentminded and not being present and not being aware because we can't just focus on the future, we get stuck in between due to the pressure and noise.
When you look at an entrepreneur like us, one of the things that makes us so successful is our ability to make unique connections. You know, every business that I've ever looked at is a entrepreneur making unique connections of opportunities and people and solutions. And that ability to create unique connections, solutions that other people don't see, is absolutely a super power.
If you're like most of the people I've ever had in a seminar or in an event, then you've probably been in a situation where you walk into a room or you come across a group of people or walk into a situation or a scenario where no one can see a solution or an alternative or a way to get things done. And you walk in and almost immediately identify the way you can create momentum and move forward. And you give that suggestion and it's recognized. That ability to make unique connections, that ability to see the things that other people don't see is absolutely a super power. But under high pressure and noise, that ability goes away. That ability to see the unique connections, to see what other people don't see, can become clouded and we literally can't see the forest for the trees.
It doesn't stop there. When you go through all the attributes of the entrepreneurial personality type, each one of them, when there is low pressure and noise is a super power. High pressure and noise, it works against us.
I'll give you one more. That innate motivation. The question I always ask entrepreneurs, "Can you turn it off?" I know the answer is no, of course not. And why would you even want to? The fact is, people like us can't turn it off. We have this innate motivation, this drive, this push that forces us forward. We are evolutionary hunters and we are those people who go out, create the future, make things happen and make it real.
But that innate motivation that nature has given us, that we have been gifted, this birthright of being able to go and create and do and move things forward, when we experience high pressure and noise, that innate motivation, that drive, is infuriating. It can be maddening. In fact, you hear it in entrepreneur's voices or in the words we use. We say things like, "I'm spinning my wheels and I'm just not going anywhere. And I feel like I'm working like crazy, but I'm not getting anything done." And when we have that innate motivation under high pressure and noise, we will lay down in bed and we will do more work between our ears, between when we lay down and when we finally, mercifully fall asleep than the average person will do all day. Because that innate motivation doesn't have anywhere to go. Under high pressure and noise, when we don't know where we're going, when we don't have clarity, innate motivation works against us.
So, as entrepreneurial personality type, as an evolutionary hunter, the very attributes that make you successful, when there's high pressure and noise in your life, will make you reactive. They will make you symptomatic, they will make you look broken, they will make you aggressive, they will make you check out, pull back, get depressed, get frustrated, not create the momentum you can.
And so, one of the most significant bridges to creating the long-term success that you really want, is taking care of yourself. But it's also one of the most difficult connections or correlations for us to make. Because here's the problem, if you sit down right now at your desk and you work really hard and you make a bunch of phone calls, you're going to see some results today. You're going to see something come out of it. But if you take care of yourself, if you go to the chiropractor, or go get a massage, or go get an IV drip like I'm doing right now, you might feel better for a few minutes, but there's not sale that's been made. There's no progress that we see.
And so we have to re-wire this guilt we feel around taking care of ourselves. Because for so many of us, when we have the though of taking care of ourselves, when we think, "I need a massage," or "I should go to the chiropractor," or "I should go get the IV drip," we immediately think, "But there's so many things I have to do. There's so many people I have to take care of. There's so much I have to do for the business, for my family, for my kids, for my spouse." And we immediately put ourselves last.
And here's the change we have to make, we have to come to the conclusion, the realization, and step into the reality that the lower the pressure and noise is in our lives, the present we are for the people around us, the more aware we are of what's going on. The more we can actually help the people in our lives create momentum and the more we will create momentum for ourselves.
So the way that you get over this guilt of self-care that so many entrepreneurs feel is that you come to the realization, the conclusion, you convince yourself that in taking care of yourself, you will lower pressure and noise which will always makes things better for people like us.
And if you are willing to lower the pressure and noise in your life, here's what will happen, you won't immediately see massive changes. So, you have to trust that this is going to work. But if you consistently take care of the pressure and noise in your life, and you take care of yourself, you will lower the pressure and noise in your life. And what you will start seeing is that within just a few days and weeks, everything in your life will get easier. Because when you lower the noise for yourself, you increase your ability to make decisions. When you lower the noise for yourself, you increase your ability to be present and aware. When you lower the noise for yourself by taking care of yourself, by eating right, by drinking, by moving, by breathing, by meditating, by going to the chiropractor, by getting a good functional medicine doctor, by going and taking an IV drip every once in a while. Everything like that that you do that is progressive and moves you in the direction of self-care, makes everything in your life easier.
And, on the same token, that raising pressure and noise makes us look disabled, disordered, and even symptomatic, lowering pressure and noise makes us look more present, more aware, more capable, and we actually are.
I know it's cliché, but if you're traveling with a child on an airplane and the airplane depressurizes, you put your mask on first. Then you take care of the child, because if you don't put your mask on first, you might not have enough oxygen in order to be present and aware enough to take care of the child.
The exact same thing is present in your life today. Are you putting your oxygen mask on? Are you taking care of yourself? Are you present and aware enough to actually achieve what you want? If you've been stalled or plateaued or had a hard time creating momentum lately, maybe it's because you haven't been taking care of yourself. And it's a hard correlation to make, but just maybe if you start, you will see massive changes in your life.
So, I have a few suggestions for you. Here is the simplest, minimum effective dose, three things to make certain that you are actually creating momentum and taking care of yourself.
One, get up everyday and plan your day. You can use our momentum planner system or you can use another system, but plan your day so you know what you're going to do each day. You have clarity, you understand where you're uncomfortable and you actually know what you're going to do. Entrepreneurs who just take off running into their day, it's one of the most destructive things you can do.
Have a morning routine for each day. If you have a morning routine that you trust that gets you physiologically present, that gets you chemically present, that gets you cognitively present, it will change everything. You can use my morning routine if you like, you can go to morning.charfen.com. It is one of the simplest ways you can introduce self-care into your life. Because if you have a solid morning routine where you're taking care of breathing, hydration, nutrition, and movement, that will create the foundation for you to create momentum.
And then, third, hydrate. If you're not drinking a ton of water already, if you're not drinking and hydrating yourself, it is one of the fastest ways to create connection from mind and body and be more present and aware. It's also one of the most easiest because hydration you can do throughout the day. It doesn't take anymore time, it shouldn't cause any guilt, but here's what it will do, it will connect mind and body, it will make you more present, it will make you more aware, and it will make it easier for you to see the pathway forward and create your future as an entrepreneur.
If you want to hydrate now and drink more water than you ever thought you possibly could, go to getthirstynow.com. Getthirstynow.com, I know thirsty now means like, get busy, and so, yes, that's a play on words and we did it on purpose. But if you go to getthirstynow.com, you will be able to take our ten day natural thirst challenge, which is ten days of very specific, easy to follow protocol to drink water that will help you drink more water than you ever thought possible. Getthirstynow.com.
Because, if you're willing to plan your day, create a morning routine, drink water and be fully hydrated, you will create leverage around everything you do in your life.
So, if you're ready to make everything in your life easier, if you're ready to make everything in your life create more momentum than it is right now, take a minute and plan out self-care. Plan out taking care of yourself. Start planning in the morning. Create an effective morning routine and start hydrating like crazy. Go to getthirstynow.com right now and join thousands of people who have done it.
Because as Robin Sharma told me a few years ago when we sat down at one of his events, your ability to create success is directly proportionate to how willing you are to take care of yourself.