Intimacy Creates Business Growth

This is the Momentum podcast. If you're an entrepreneur, here's this fact that as entrepreneurs, we don't really like to admit and a lot of us don't even understand, is that. And now, by the way, if you're in a relationship, if you're not in a relationship, then when you are, this will be very important for you. But this is for entrepreneurs and relationships and entrepreneurs who have a significant other relationship. Here's this fact that now I believe as fact is that if you create intimacy in your relationship with your spouse or your partner or your significant other, you will actually create business growth. I've seen this over and over again now. And if you ask me about this years ago, I wouldn't have made this statement so positively. I would have made the statement so with such a high level of certainty. But here's what I can tell you now. Having worked with hundreds of entrepreneurs and having had the conversation I just had about intimacy and relationship, is that when we create intimacy in our personal relationship, the business grows. Let me explain to you why. I'm Alex Charfen, and this is the momentum podcast made for empire builders, game changers, trailblazers, shot takers, record breakers, world makers and creators of all kinds, those among us who can't turn it off and don't know why anyone would want to.

We challenge complacency, destroy apathy, and we are obsessed with creating momentum so we can roll over bureaucracy and make our greatest contribution. Sure, we pay attention to their rules, but only so that we can bend them, break them, then rewrite them around our own will. We don't accept our destiny. We define it. We don't understand defeat because you only lose if you stop. And we don't know how. While the rest of the world strives for average and clings desperately to the status quo, we are the minority, the few who are willing to hallucinate.

There could be a better future. And instead of just daydreaming of what could be, we endure the vulnerability and exposure it takes to make it real. We are the evolutionary hunters, clearly the most important people in the world, because entrepreneurs are the only source of consistent, positive human evolution and we always will be. Here's what I think happens to us as entrepreneurs, as entrepreneurs, when we're in a relationship or a one word relationship with anything, when we're in a relationship with our business, when we're in a relationship with someone we love, when one relationship with another person, for people like us, what happens is there's something that frustrates us, irritates us. There's some event where there's conflict created and then we withhold. And here's what I mean by withholding in a relationship. Our feelings are hurt. We're frustrated, we're upset. So we don't share how we feel. We don't express our emotions. We don't say what we're doing.

And in my experience, entrepreneurs go through down one of two paths. When we withhold, if we withhold, if there's conflict and we don't share what's really going on, going on, we're not open about it. We're not intimate about it either. We withhold and we withdraw. We pull back. We don't communicate. I'm kind of I have a tendency to do this. Like, we kind of become quiet. We don't communicate as much more withdrawn or we withhold and we go down the other path of being frustrated and irritated and angry and then sometimes even like causing issues in our relationship and, you know, sometimes reacting in ways that we really shouldn't react in ways that we're embarrassed about later. And so in a entrepreneurial if you're an entrepreneur, one of the biggest opportunities you have is to create intimacy in your relationship. See if this makes sense. If I go through this in reverse, there's a conflict in our relationship rather than with hold. We have a process through which we handle that conflict. And so here's how here's how can I create intimacy in our relationship. We put time into it.

We have a process around it. We have a commitment around it. So every day both of us sit down with our momentum planner that we saw through our members that we use and we share with each other from the day before we share with each other. What am I grateful for and where did I win today on it? That's two things that you answer in the planner. And then each morning we share what is my intention for the day? Where was I uncomfortable yesterday and what are my top three just sitting down and creating this specific time to be together, to be able to talk about what we're feeling, what we're doing, what's going on, creates intimacy for the two of us. And here's what I know as an entrepreneur. When you create intimacy in your significant other relationship, when you pull together, when you are fully supporting each other or supporting each other at a higher level, when you when you lean into that support, when you lean in to making things better for each other, here's what I know with certainty. Hey, what's up, David? Good to see you, brother. Hey, Brad. Good to see you too, brother. What an awesome line begins. We've got some friends here.

Here's what I know. When we create intimacy with each other as entrepreneurs, the relationship creates the foundation that we show up with in the world. That means every room we walk into, one more confident, that means every time we interact with somebody, we're more confident. We feel that that strength of the intimacy in our relationship. You know, one of my good friends and an incredible coach who's completely changed my life, Kylie Ryan, says that the energetics in your significant other relationship are actually the energetics through which your nervous system exists, like your significant other relationship has the highest level of impact on your nervous system. I think I'm getting that right. But so in our relationship, nervous system regulation is is as good as our relationship is. And so if you're sitting down every day, you're you're creating you have a process for your relationship. Like my wife, Cadey says, process in a marriage or relationship might not seem sexy, but you end up having a lot more sex and it's usually a lot better, too.

So if you have a process to what you're creating intimacy, you are connecting with that with the person who's important to you, you are putting time into what's important to you. You're making it significant. Now, here's this danger that we see all the time. I want you to understand there's this massive danger if you're an entrepreneur and you have structure and process in your business, but not in your relationship. Here's what can happen. This when you have two different competing entities in your life, like a business and a relationship and their structure and process and routine in the business. And there isn't structure, process and routine in the relationship, which one's going to win? It's pretty easy. The business is going to win. The business is going to get the attention. The business is going to get the energy. So if we balance that by putting process, structure and routine in our relationship, that it balances out and the relationship gets the attention it needs. Now, here's what often happens.

If you don't balance it out by putting structure in the relationship, the business is going to compete with the relationship. And because there is process, structure and routine holding you accountable, the relationship will lose. And oftentimes the person you're in a relationship feels like they're competing with the business. In fact, you might even hear things like you're cheating on me with the business or you spend too much time in the business where you're not spending enough time with me. And here's what I've learned about creating intimacy in a relationship. It's not the length of time. It's the intention of the time. Cadey and I sit down and each morning it takes us probably 10 to 15 minutes to do our morning alignment. But we connect. We know what each other is doing. We feel grounded for the day. We can mutually support each other where we need to. And that intimacy protects my momentum all day and it completely changes how I look at the world and the days where Cadey and I don't align. I actually feel that lack of alignment. I feel that lack of foundation. I feel that lack of the energy she gives me on a daily basis. So if you're in a relationship and you have not grown your business for a while and maybe you're even plateaued, this is a non-linear way to look at it. But maybe maybe what you need is to lean into your relationship, build the foundation of your life energetically, get on a really solid footing, and then go out and grow your business like crazy because you have this relationship that's now protected. Thanks so much for being here today.

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